I got home from my work day/gym this evening, opened the door and saw my sweet cherub faced 2 year old gleefully running towards me. “Moooommmyyyy!” She runs into me throwing her arms around my legs and my heart aches. It aches with love, gratefulness, and sorrow for the mother who won’t ever get this welcome again from her 2 year old son. In wake of the unbelievable events that have ravaged Orlando over the past week (Shooting of Singer Christina Grimmie, Hate Crime/Terrorist Attack at Pulse Nightclub and now this senseless tragedy- a gator attacked a 2 year old boy in the Seven Seas Lagoon at the Grand Floridian in Walt Disney World.) this particular one has shaken me to my core. Every time I looked at Nola tonight I thought of little Lane Graves. I imagined what I would do if that was Nola but at the same time didn’t want to think it. I played it over and over in my head telling myself I would jump on that gator and if you asked me- I would. But if I was put in that split second moment of sheer terror and think-fast-what-to-do-situation…I question, “what would I do?” And then I answer myself; I would’ve jumped on that damn gator but then quickly retaliated with an “easy for you to say”. Yes I was in my head talking to myself.
I held her harder than ever last night. I snuggled her and sang all of our songs together at her request: “You Are My Sunshine, Happy Birthday (to her pink bear), “ABC’s” and “The Popcorn Song” (a church song my grandma sang to us when we were younger). I kissed her over and over, and told her “I love you” too much. Images of that little boy’s face would pop into my mind and tears would inevitably follow. I couldn’t seem to shake the sadness and I mourned the loss of his short life.
I’m not a professional blogger in any sense of the word but I love to write and this is my outlet. Obviously, social media has been blowing up with the news, political views/arguments, first hand accounts, photos, videos, and tributes, of all that has taken place in Orlando. What really had my eyes rolling yesterday was a blog post I read from one mom to the mother of Lane Graves; expressing that “I Am You.” I pretty much got the gist of what this woman was trying to say. But at the same time I felt it first off, to be way too soon for such a post, since the boy’s body hadn’t even been found yet, pretentious and overall attention seeking. This mom, who had all of her children alive and well was trying to reach out to a mother who had just lost her child to an alligator attack- I am You- she ardently posts. No- No, you are not her. You are not at a Disney resort right now tearfully huddled around your family feeling the deepest sense of loss known to a human. You are not having to travel back home where your child’s room inevitably awaits to be reminded that he will never sleep in his bed (or crib) again. Your life has not been completely turned upside down in a 30 second time of terror; that will unfortunately replay in your head for the rest of your life; haunting you with guilt, questions of what if’s and why my child? Oh, you like planning Disney trips? That’s cool- so does everyone else. Well, most everyone. So yes, you have that in common. We as parents plan trips (I wouldn’t go as far to assume we all plan the same as this woman presumptuously did) and we as parents are all feeling these parents’ pain but we are not in their shoes– we are not them. The whole post to me was pointless.
A couple hours later, I came across another blog post from an author on the Scary Mommy site- which the majority of the time I absolutely love and can relate to most posts on it. But this particular one was about how all the mother’s in the U.S. are now “terrorized” at the thought of raising their kids in this world. It was so over the top dramatic- how we as mom’s plan escape routes or how we would hide in an event that a crazed gunman entered a Target, or Walmart and/or a Grocery Store. It was such a blanket statement to assume all mothers live in this type of fear and how weak she made us all seem. What an eye-rolling afternoon I had.
Let me be clear, I know that our world is a scary place to live in now a days and sadly, a lot of what’s happening is out of our control. I wouldn’t say I live my life in a state of denial or on the opposite side of the spectrum, a state of paranoia. I am VERY aware of my surroundings and NEVER let our daughter out of my site or grasp if we are in a crowded public place or a place where I think it’s not safe for her to be on her own. I may look a little crazy chasing her around but I choose to look that way- even if I embarrass my husband- ha. I’m not inferring in any way that the parent’s were to blame for what happened to their son. How could they possibly know that an alligator was lying in wait ready to attack? And on a resort beach no less. I also take into account that they were from Nebraska. I’m sure everyone out West who plans on vacationing in Florida finds themselves opening up a book or website on Florida’s waterways and wildlife. Something I’m sure never crossed their minds until this heartbreaking tragedy. I’m just so tired of seeing the posts by self righteous parents full with rage, expletives and pointing fingers at the individuals who are surely hurting the most in this scenario. My thoughts are with them, my thoughts are with the families’ of all the victims from the Pulse shooting and of course with Christina Grimmie’s family.
I truly believe that love still outweighs hate and everyone needs to support one another rather then condemn them for actions/decisions/choices that are opposing to their own.
“If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.”
~Thomas Paine
A Penny For Her Thoughts 